February 20, 2022
Finding hope along the way……
It is not always easy to keep going when you can’t see the outcome in front of you. And that saying about just taking the first step when you can’t see the entire staircase is only helpful for a minute when times are really tough.
I found myself asking many times over the course of the three years I was creating Beauty Binder, why was I doing this? Where was this all leading? Was it worth it? Depending on the day, my answers were different. Some days, when my day job was kicking my ass, or my kids were on my last nerve, I was convinced I had lost my mind. That even if I thought the idea was a good one, I had absolutely no business walking blindly into a world I knew nothing about, and my mind would kindly give me a list of reasons to support my bleak theory. Brains are kind of good at that shit.
But on other days, I could see the beauty in the journey I was taking. I was slowly being transformed into the woman I had always dreamed of being. I was finally learning to trust myself. I was learning to ask for and, if necessary, pay for help when I needed it. I was taking a hard look at my life, and I was being honest with myself for the first time. I was betting on myself not knowing how it would all turn out. I was showing my kids that it is never too late to try something new and suck at it and try it again.
Sometimes I even saw a glimpse of the girl I once was. The girl who tried out for the high school musical even though she was terrified to sing solo, or the girl who had the guts to ask a boy she barely knew to the Sadie Hawkins dance even though her knees were shaking. The girl who used to sing at the top of her lungs on the elementary-school playground because she just knew she would be the next Barbra Streisand. The girl who didn’t let fear or imperfection stand in her way.
So even on the most challenging days, I try to stop and remind myself how far I have come along the way. And how it doesn't have to be perfect to be PERFECT.